A reader asks: my manager gives zero feedback. How do I get some?

The question (paraphrased from r/cscareerquestions):

I’ve been at my company for eight months. My manager is friendly and seems to like me, but I genuinely can’t tell if I’m doing well. 1:1s are mostly about the work. When I ask “how am I doing?” I get “you’re doing great, keep it up.” I want real feedback. How do I get it?

Your manager isn’t unusual. Most managers are not naturally good at giving feedback. Most managers think “you’re doing great, keep it up” IS feedback. It isn’t. But if you ask vague questions, you get vague answers.

Three specific questions almost always unlock real feedback, even from managers who are bad at giving it.

Why “how am I doing?” doesn’t work

Your manager hears that question as a social check-in, not a request for analysis. It’s like asking a friend “are we good?” It puts them in a position where the honest answer — “well, there are a few things…” — sounds like an attack. The easy answer is reassurance. So that’s what you get.

You need questions that are specific enough to require an actual answer and structured enough that the honest version of the answer doesn’t feel like a fight.

The three questions

1. “What’s one thing I should do more of, and one thing I should do less of?”

The highest-hit-rate question. It asks for two concrete answers, not a general assessment. It frames the feedback as directional, not judgmental.

The “more of” answer usually points at the thing they already liked about you. The “less of” answer is where the real value is. Listen carefully. Even a soft answer — “maybe a bit less volume in the standups” — is a specific data point.

Ask quarterly. Not monthly. The answers only evolve meaningfully on that timeframe.

2. “If I were being considered for a stretch project / a promotion / a new role six months from now, what would be the thing that gave someone pause?”

Almost nobody gets asked this, and it forces the manager into a specific mental frame: imagining you in a future context, not just evaluating you now. That frame produces better feedback because the answer has to be predictive, not judgmental.

The “gave someone pause” framing is critical. It gives your manager room to name something imperfect without saying you’re bad. You’re inviting the realistic version of the answer. Managers almost always have one.

Ask twice a year. Or once, before your review cycle.

3. “If you could go back and give me one piece of advice before I started this role, what would it be?”

This one flips the time frame. Retrospective, not present. That asymmetry lets your manager say things that would feel awkward to name about you today but are fine to name as lessons. “I’d have told you to be less deferential in the big meetings.” / “I’d have told you the real currency on this team is written docs, not just code.” / “I’d have told you to stop apologizing in standup.”

Ask once around the 9-month mark. Again at two years.

What makes all three work

Three things in common.

They’re specific. Each has a noun and a direction. Your manager isn’t asked to rate you; they’re asked to complete a sentence.

They give permission to be critical. “What should I do less of” is a legitimate request for a negative, not a fishing expedition for reassurance. “What would give someone pause” explicitly names the concerns frame.

They’re easy to answer in 60 seconds. Your manager isn’t being asked for a performance review. They’re being asked for one data point.

The hardest part: sitting with what they say

When you get a real answer, the temptation is to rebut. “But the reason I do that is…” is the most natural thing in the world, and it kills the feedback flow forever. Your manager just risked telling you something honest. If the response is “well actually,” they learn not to do it again.

The right response:

“That’s useful — can you say more about what it would look like if I did it differently?”

That’s it. You’re not defending. You’re not thanking profusely. You’re asking for the actionable version. Your manager will respect this and give you more feedback next time.

What if your manager actually has nothing to say

It happens. Either they don’t have visibility into your work, or they’re conflict-averse to a degree that blocks them from naming anything imperfect. If “what should I do less of” gets you “nothing I can think of” four quarters in a row, the problem isn’t your feedback-collection technique anymore.

Your moves:

1. Get feedback elsewhere. Cross-functional partners, peers, a skip-level, a mentor outside your team. Don’t rely on one source.
2. Make your work more visible so they have something specific to evaluate. Status updates, shared docs, “here’s what I’m working on” conversations.
3. Quietly decide whether this is a manager who’s going to be useful in your review cycle. If they have no specific view of you, your review will be similarly shapeless. Worth knowing before year-end.

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A year of feedback collected through these three questions is worth more than any single annual review, because you’ve had chances to act on the feedback along the way. The annual review is a snapshot of who you were. The quarterly conversation is a record of who you became. Optimize for the latter.

For the broader 1:1 structure that creates the room for these questions, see the Manager 1:1 agenda. For the question that closes a good 1:1 well, see the one sentence that ends a good 1:1.

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