A reader asks: my manager gives zero feedback. How do I get some?

The question (paraphrased from r/cscareerquestions):

I’ve been at my company for eight months. My manager is friendly and seems to like me, but I genuinely can’t tell if I’m doing well. 1:1s are mostly about the work. When I ask “how am I doing?” I get “you’re doing great, keep it up.” I want real feedback. How do I get it?

First: your manager is not unusual. Most managers are not naturally good at giving feedback. Most managers think “you’re doing great, keep it up” is feedback. It isn’t. But if you ask vague questions, you get vague answers.

Good news: there are three specific questions that almost always unlock real feedback, even from managers who are bad at giving it.

Why “how am I doing?” doesn’t work

Your manager hears that question as a social check-in, not a request for analysis. It’s like asking a friend “are we good?” It puts them in a position where the honest answer — “well, there are a few things…” — sounds like an attack. The easy answer is reassurance, so that’s what you get.

You need to ask questions that are specific enough to require an actual answer and structured enough that the honest version of the answer doesn’t feel like a fight.

The three questions

1. “What’s one thing I should do more of, and one thing I should do less of?”

This is the highest-hit-rate question. It asks for two concrete answers, not a general assessment. It frames the feedback as directional, not judgmental. Most managers will say something true in response, because the question itself gives them permission.

The “more of” answer usually points at the thing they already liked about you. The “less of” answer is where the real value is. Listen carefully. Even a soft answer — “maybe a bit less volume in the standups” — is a specific data point you can act on.

Ask this quarterly. Not monthly. The answers only evolve meaningfully on that timeframe.

2. “If I were being considered for [a stretch project / a promotion / a new role] six months from now, what would be the thing that gave someone pause?”

Almost nobody gets asked this, and it forces the manager into a specific mental frame: imagining you in a future context, not just evaluating you in the current one. That frame produces better feedback, because the answer has to be predictive, not judgmental.

The “gave someone pause” framing is critical. It gives your manager room to name something imperfect without saying you’re bad. You’re inviting the realistic version of the answer. Managers almost always have one.

Ask this twice a year, or once, before your review cycle.

3. “If you could go back and give me one piece of advice before I started this role, what would it be?”

This one flips the time frame. It’s retrospective, not present. That asymmetry lets your manager say things that would feel awkward to name about you today but are fine to name as lessons. “I’d have told you to be less deferential in the big meetings.” “I’d have told you the real currency on this team is written docs, not just code.” “I’d have told you to stop apologizing in standup.”

Ask this once, around the 9-month mark, and again at the 2-year mark.

What makes all three work

Three things in common.

They’re specific. Each has a noun and a direction. Your manager isn’t asked to rate you; they’re asked to complete a sentence.

They give permission to be critical. “What should I do less of” is a legitimate request for a negative, not a fishing expedition for reassurance. “What would give someone pause” explicitly names the concerns frame.

They’re easy to answer in 60 seconds. Your manager isn’t being asked for a performance review. They’re being asked for one data point, and most can produce one on the spot if it’s framed right.

The hardest part: sitting with what they say

When you get a real answer, the temptation is to rebut. “But the reason I do that is…” is the most natural thing in the world, and it kills the feedback flow forever. Your manager just risked telling you something honest. If the response is “well actually,” they learn not to do it again.

The right response to real feedback is:

“That’s useful — can you say more about what that would look like if I did it differently?”

That’s it. You’re not defending. You’re not thanking profusely. You’re asking for the actionable version of the feedback. Your manager will respect this and will give you more feedback next time.

What the good version of this looks like over a year

After four “more of / less of” conversations in a year, you’ve collected eight data points. Patterns emerge. Usually by month 9 or 10, two or three things keep coming up. Those are the real growth areas. That becomes the list you bring to your own performance-review self-assessment.

A year of feedback accumulated through the three questions is worth more than any single annual review, because you’ve had chances to act on the feedback along the way.

What to do if your manager actually has nothing to say

Possible. Rare, but it happens — either because they genuinely don’t have visibility into your work, or because they’re conflict-averse to a degree that blocks them from naming anything imperfect.

If “what should I do less of” gets you “nothing I can think of” four quarters in a row, the problem is no longer your feedback-collection technique. The problem is that the person you report to doesn’t know how to evaluate you. Your moves:

1. Get feedback elsewhere. Cross-functional partners, peers you work with closely, a skip-level, a mentor outside your team. Don’t rely on one source.
2. Make your work more visible to your manager, so they have something specific to evaluate. Status updates, shared docs, “here’s what I’m working on” conversations. The more data they have, the more likely real feedback surfaces.
3. Quietly decide whether this is a manager who’s going to be useful in your review cycle. If your manager has no specific view of you, your review will be similarly shapeless. Something to think about before the end of the year.

Edge cases

• If your manager is new in role: give them a full quarter before pressing hard. First-time managers often need practice. The three questions above help them develop the habit faster.
• If you’re in a role with measurable output (sales, engineering, recruiting): you already have hard feedback from the numbers. The three questions add texture on the “how” side. Don’t skip them just because the numbers look good.
• If the “less of” answer is the same thing three times in a row: you haven’t addressed it yet. The time for new questions hasn’t come yet.

Do this today

Before your next 1:1, write down the first question: “What’s one thing I should do more of, and one thing I should do less of?” Ask it in the last ten minutes of the meeting, not the first five. Watch what happens.

For the broader 1:1 structure that creates the room for these questions, see the Manager 1:1 agenda. For the question that closes a good 1:1 well, see the one sentence that ends a good 1:1.

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